You know, if I had $130. Which I don't. So, clearly, I won't actually be wearing this dress. Unless they want to just give me one. Anyone? No?

Instead, I will be putting it on my blog until such time as I have written that bestseller and cashed the checks. Then I will come back to the massive shopping list that is this blog and go all whirling dervish on capitalism. Then I will need to move so that I have a bigger closet. For those of you who like this dress and have $130 right now, head to shop bop.

Purple with orange trim? Sign me up! My style usually tends less toward Purple Suede and more toward Dull, but something about these appeals. If you're interested, they're on sale at le train bleu.

Both $88 at max studio.

Only $68 at max studio.

If I weren't so damn lazy, I'd put on a dress like this and frolic in the February sunshine.


Then I'd freeze my ass off because while it looks and feels like summer, it's not actually summer. One errant breeze would send me straight into hypothermia in this getup. Probably best that I take a nap instead.

My office building is surrounded by a veritable carnival of commercialism. Sunshine, the smell of churros and pretzels, men tap dancing on the corner, tourists lined up for the cable cars - and the stores. Oh, the stores!

So here is a perfect start to an outfit for weekend shopping. Pair these corduroys with a white shirt, some cute boots, and you're raring to go.


Happy trails, cowgirl.

Makes me wish I could swing a tennis racket without injuring myself.


Only $30 from smart bargains.

Coach kindly sent me an email with Spring Must Haves. The tone of the text implied that I might, in fact, die without these things. They still didn't offer to give them to me without a credit card number. A little compassion, people! My life is on the line here!

Many of their offerings were too busily plastered in the coach logo for my taste, but I did like these sunglasses. I've been looking for a pair of oversized sunglasses to placate my inner diva.


These would do the trick. If you moved the decimal point on the price over a few places. But until that unlikely time (the one in which the decimal point moves or I win the lottery), these will be staying in the email. My inner diva will remain unsatiated.

Black and white seems to be a trend this spring. Not that I usually go for trends - or even know what they are - but these are quite lovely. Here are some of my favorite spring dresses from blue fly. What would you do without me? You'd whither away and die. You know you would.

Nordstrom is having an amazing sale right now. This skirt was $26. Normally $88. Leather jackets for $40. Shrugs for $17. Unless I am greatly deceived, these things are returnable if they don't fit. (If it turns out that I'm an idiot, please don't hold me to that.) Which is the only way I will buy something without trying it on first. Or holding a measuring tape to my hips. Which I will never, ever do - I like my delusions, thank you very much.

From bag snob.

Expensive designer purses often seem to be attempting to justify the price by cramming in detail. Or perhaps I have exceptionally lackluster taste in purses. Either way, I am often drawn to simple. With nice, strokable leather. Though I can't imagine my life changing enough to merit spending $675 on a handbag, this would definitely make the short list:


Just lovely.

There are some dresses that would just make your life complete. You know which ones I'm talking about. Dresses like this:


That's right. It's not about spiritualism, doing unto others or the Steelers winning a game. It's all about shopping. To worship at the dual alters of consumerism and looking downright edible, check out Max Studio. The dresses are on sale and they are stunning.

Forever 21, formerly scorned as teeny bopper central, now lauded as new shopping mecca, provided me with two things of note today. Neither have pictures as the web site is a bit lackadaisical about picturing all merchandise available. Use those rabid imaginations - I know you have them.

1. Casual coat in blazer style with connected hooded sweatshirt. It sounds a bit odd but it's possibly the cutest coat ever. In raspberry corduroy. Found it on Monday for $35. Displayed unusual caution and did not buy it. Went back Tuesday. It was gone. Proceeded to go back every day this week (it's right near my office, shut up) until I found one hiding today. On sale for $12.

2. White strapless dress with black flower embroidery, full A-line skirt with black net lining, and a black satin bow belt. Only $30. Perfect with red shoes.

I was a happy shopper today.

I will soon have this lovely green gauzy thing in my hot little hands.


It flattered my ego with its sizes that run large. It was on sale. It will, with the proper undergarment, see me comfortably through a wedding and many other occasions. Yes, folks, you CAN wear bridesmaid's dresses again. Over and over, if my love for this dress is any indication.

The only consolation to having the skin of a hormonal teenage boy crossed with that of a cranky crocodile is getting to experiment with products. I do loves me some products. But the options are endless and rather daunting. Not to mention pricey if you make a mistake. My latest experiment is with a lush face mask. It's fresh (everything is better fresh: cookies, cake, men) but I'm not sure it actually did anything. I tried it last night and my skin feels precisely the same.

So if anyone out there has any recommendations for a product that will moisturize my crunchy top layer while not enraging my lower oily layer, I will be forever indebted to you. I may even bake you some cookies. Fresh, of course.

My latest t-shirt purchase. From that haven of cheap clothes, Forever 21. You have stolen my heart with your inexpensive t-shirts and your lovely sale sweaters. I will now attempt to kiss the feet of your salespeople until I'm tossed out on my ear by that menacing security guard in front of the door.

I have been eyeing this dress for months. Only eyeing, as I have absolutely no need for another fancy dress - especially another fancy black dress. But this one is just so lovely. Reminiscent of the 1920s with its handkerchief hem, beadwork and silhouette, but with an updated halter top. It calls to me. It pines for me. Especially on the Day of the Valentine, the one where I won't be doing anything fancy but have always enjoyed going to dive bars while ridiculously over-dressed.


Sure, St. Valentine dictates that red might be more appropriate. (Saviour of lovers and a bit of a fashion nazi.) But everyone and their schnauzer will be wearing red today. So throw this on, paint your lips and your nails red to placate St. Valentine, and be the black drink of water among the hordes of red-decked females.

I love these shoes. I want these shoes. These shoes are on sale. I still cannot buy these shoes. If I didn't walk past six homeless people every day, I might be tempted to think that life was cruel. My life is really quite lovely. Even without the shoes.


But I still want them.

In honor of my plan to attempt skiing this weekend, I bring you fleece. Warm, plushy fleece that I can't buy for fear of never being willing to take it off. Imagine prying a safety blanket from of the small, grasping fingers of a 3-year-old. The phrase "washing machine" means nothing under such circumstances. Here is my current favorite:


Nice shape, lovely pale blue, perfect for crashing into pine trees and tumbling down bunny slopes.

This stuff makes me want to eat my face. It's just that yummy.

Don't blow your nose on it.

I like to think of myself as a hat person. I never wear them, but that doesn't make me any less of a hat person. No, really. I especially like this pink bucket hat from pixel girl shop.


Who else wants a bad hair day?

Here are some red boots to go with that outfit below. They're just the thing to spice up a white sweater and match the red necklace. And help you realize that once you start accessorizing, you are caught in a never-ending vortex of colored shoes. There are worse places to find yourself.

To avoid the look of Biege Death, add a necklace from Andrea at super hero designs.



...and a botanical felt purse.


If you're feeling super-fiesty, go for some red boots. You will be rockin' the line at Starbucks. Just try not to spill any coffee on that sweater.

(Disclaimer: Do as I say, not as I do, people. My Starbucks trip today involved a t-shirt and pants that apparently have a stain on them. I have no idea how it got there.)

February 2 is actually Day o' the Strapless Dress. Why? Because I have decreed it so. I am going out to do that oh-so-sophisticated dinner and dancing thing on Saturday night. The dinner and dancing thing that would be far more sophisticated if we weren't all planning to get embarrassingly tipsy and dance like monkeys jumping for fresh bananas dangling just out of our prehensile reach.

Short and strapless would be just the thing. If only I had both the money and the boobs for said strapless dress. Luckily, my blog works as an alternate universe, gifting me with the bank account to buy them, the body to wear them, and the ability to hail a cab when I'm finished dancing like a hungry monkey.

This cotton strapless dress would be perfect for a summer garden party.


Have you ever been invited to a summer garden party? Me neither. But that doesn't mean we can get away with being unprepared.

So I could hoof it down the red carpet while secretly hoping to score not just a People's Choice Award for Most Deluded Starlet but also a place on Fug. Don't we all secretly want to be featured on Fug?

I personally couldn't pull off this one, but I bet some of you lovelies would look unbearably svelte in this Nicole Miller.


This one is more my speed. Classic, elegant, forgiving of the thighs, and - with the right hairstyle - possibly even Fug-worthy.

My lust for Manolo Blahniks (especially the red patent leather mary janes, oh how I lust!) is tempered by the knowledge that there are causes out there more worthy than my feet. Wouldn't $500 be better spent toward a charitable cause? Or climbing my way out of debt? Or saving a whale somewhere?

This is my way of feeling guilty about virtually everything. It's a severe character flaw, especially when it keeps those Manolos from my closet, aka Their True and Rightful Home. This is all rhetorical, however, because I don't have $500. Which may be the crux of the issue. If I could afford to buy my $500 shoes and write a $500 check to a woman's shelter the same day, I imagine that I would prance merrily home with nary a guilt-ridden whimper.

At its essence, I don't believe that style requires the excess of money that magazines like Vogue might lead you to believe. (Though you can sure look amazing if you do have it.) While I would love to own couture dresses and Manolo Blahniks, scouring vintage shops and buying red Franco Sartos on sale can yield a similar effect. At least in San Francisco, where you're more likely to see Birkenstocks than Prada.

As many other fashion bloggers have very eloquently stated, style is what you bring to the world - not what fashion brings to you. People like Audrey Hepburn and Jackie O. inspired me to love dressing well because they had style that transcended the labels they wore. (They were also mind-numbingly gorgeous and had all the resources of fashion at their well-manicured finger tips.)


I think the most stylish women are those who are healthy and intelligent and devoted to making the world around them a little bit better. With a few pairs of Manolos stashed away somewhere.