Moose in the Closet

In the Fridge: Part I

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I just paid my credit card bill. On it was a trip to Sephora that equaled the rough equivalent of two nice meals (with alcohol) in San Francisco. In other words, only slightly less than the gross domestic product of Lithuania. In a good goat year. What did I buy on this pricey excursion? Not a hell of a lot, to be frank. Some lip balm, sunscreen, and a wee bottle of face wash. This just makes me feel stupid and, people, I don't like to feel stupid. Hence, rethinking the skincare approach. This makes me very female doesn't it? To have a skincare approach. To even use the word "skincare." Yes.

Instead of spending piles of cash at Sephora or Kiehl's or any of my other usual haunts that somehow don't include Walgreens because I am a product snob (no one in my tax bracket should be allowed to apply the phrase "product snob", by the way), I turned to my fridge. Everyone has read these articles in blogs and magazines, these "Save time and money by washing your face with ketchup!" kinds of articles, but rarely have I found one that explains why it's a good idea to wash your face in ketchup. (It's not, by the way. Don't use ketchup.)


Honey rocks. It tastes good and apparently does everything but scrub the bath tub. Impressive results from what is essentially bee vomit. Honey is, according to my internet research, antibacterial and anti-inflammatory. Which means it will clear up existing infections and help skin heal while preventing new messes. It also draws moisture, which we all love, especially when it comes in a $5 squeeze bottle rather than a $45 pot that could also be used to store pennies. Two of them.

You can mix honey with brown sugar or oatmeal for a scrub or mask, or just use it plain as a dual cleanser and moisturizer. Here's what I do, if you care:

I rinse a washcloth with warm water open up my pores and loosen whatever is in there. Which usually doesn't bear thinking about. Then I smear the honey on my face and rub it in. Rinse off with the warm wash cloth and splash on cold water to close the pores again.

For a straight honey mask you do the exact same thing, only, after applying the honey, let it sit for 15 minutes. I've never actually done this because it requires me to sit still for that long.

Here's a whole host of other honey uses.


Original source for alpha-hydroxy acids. It's much cheaper to go to the source, my friends. Grapefruit and lemon are best, as I'm not sure you'd want to deal with orange juice. Lemon is a bit harsh, so unless you have a few layers that need removing, use it sparingly on the face. It is good for elbows, knees and hair. Grapefruit is gentle so I use it on my tender, blushing skin. If I've eaten a grapefruit for breakfast, I'll take the rinds with the extra grapefruit flesh into the shower with me. After washing my face, I'll massage in the grapefruit - face, neck, chest. Rinse it off and voila. No mess, no painful credit card bills.

Part II will be coming soon. In the meantime, here are things in your refridgerator you shouldn't put on your face: tabasco sauce, mustard, cheddar cheese. You're welcome.

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